Prettyboysloveme's Blog

Edzuan

prettyboysloveme — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 10:57:42 +0000

Its this point where I carefully choose my words to explain how sorry and disappointed I am in myself that I figured saying anything is futile. But I decided to anyway to free both you and myself from this unfinished business. You need to be responsible for your family, fine, that’s good. You want to push the entire universe and close up on your feelings, fine, go ahead but the moment that you finally decide to let me go, let me go and never look back. Dont meet up with my friends and tell them you miss me, you love me and that you want me back because I might just believe it and maybe because I badly wanted to .. that I’m exactly at the same point once again. You can’t do that, not to Ju, not to me and not to yourself. When Ju asked me if I was willing to meet you halfway, I said yes, that she could bring us tgth and we can talk. But then I realised if we wanted any chance after so many months, that we would have done so. I’m happy you’re doing so well Edzuan, more than happy that you’ve regained everything back. I wish you only the best in life and I hope neither of us have to make this any harder for each other in the future. Send my regards to mama and Eliza. Assalamualaikum.

Yana

Leave me be

prettyboysloveme — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 20:11:30 +0000

Its this point where I carefully choose my words to explain how sorry and disappointed I am that I figured saying anything at all is futile. You need to be responsible for your family, fine, that’s good. You want to push the entire universe and close up on your feelings, fine, go ahead but the moment that you finally decide to let me go, let me go and never look back. Dont meet up with my friends and tell them you miss me, you love me and that you want me back because I might just do sth stupid like believe it. I pray for your happiness, but it seems all you want for me is misery.

How do I deal with this all over again?

Amber

Non-Existence

prettyboysloveme — Sun, 02 Oct 2011 10:22:45 +0000

I have always been pushing myself to the limits but today… it went beyond the barriers I had initially set up. I am beyond exhausted. I am drained out. I need my chest to stop hurting so much.

Finally

prettyboysloveme — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 19:52:18 +0000

I don’t want you anymore. Not you, not your friends, not anything about you. Don’t hold me back anymore. xx

Amber

Time will heal all pain

prettyboysloveme — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 12:15:43 +0000

“Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it’s a big part, and sometimes it isn’t, but either way, it’s a part of the big puzzle, the deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you’re alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Either way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.” – J Butcher

And this too, shall pass.

Lebaran

prettyboysloveme — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 12:09:37 +0000

Salam Lebaran in 3 days and I miss S… That aside, I wish everyone an early Salam Aidilfitri to all, maaf zahir batin (:

To E and family, semoga bahagia dimana jua.

Exhausted

prettyboysloveme — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 12:09:57 +0000

I am beyond exhausted these days…

Socially awkward

prettyboysloveme — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 04:21:08 +0000

I feel like I don’t belong. Everyone is fighting their own battle but it seems like they heal faster than I do after each fall. You guys are so happy, so filled with laughter and contentment… And I long for my own. But I can’t find any. I feel like everything is falling off the seams.

What do I do? Who do I turn to? What am I to do to make all these stop?

I am so tired.

Ache

prettyboysloveme — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 11:33:14 +0000

I feel strangely emotional this Ramadhan. In fact as I am typing away, I feel choked up with tears. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like as if my heart weigh a ton? Why do I feel like crying and not stopping for air?

Your hand no longer in mine

prettyboysloveme — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 22:39:42 +0000

I am blogging via my iphone and its minutes after pre-dawn meal. Surprisingly, my heart feels so heavy even after I perform my subuh prayers. I prayed and asked for forgiveness… but more to that, for Him to give me enlightenment.

I am confused with the decision to keep shah at bay. I keep telling him not to wait for me but he sticks around and he… Unlike any other.. He makes me happy. Why is it then, that I refuse to go official with him?

Sometimes I think I really intimidate the hell outta these boys who pursue me… I would usually say no but shah… I feel like he’s seen me at my weakest, and that he’s gonna stick around.

But even as I say all these, a part of me still belongs to edzuan. I miss him and although I don’t want him back, I just… Feel overwhelmed by my own feelings. Dont get me wrong, I am over him. I just… Miss the past.

Maybe Shah is my future? Who knows?